obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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