i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
