The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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