halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
