i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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