I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Come on in and take your pants off
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