And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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