Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
