What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Randomize
