he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
