FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
There's always time for handjobs
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
