Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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