he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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