I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
