This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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