dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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