There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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