he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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