I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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