I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
