everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
