i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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