You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
