I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
