May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
