Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
