Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
this beer tastes like vomit already
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize