i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
