That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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