we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I still have a little drunk in my system
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
