sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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