I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
