paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
And then he peed in my hair
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