So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
