We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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