I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
