At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
You left your phone here
Wait...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
