I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
