Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
