dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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