I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
