honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
