Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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