you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
