I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
