He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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