Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
