I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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