i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
