just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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