I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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