my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
