Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
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it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
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I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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