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My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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