this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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