dude i'm inner monologue high
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
