My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
