apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
