We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
