And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
