finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
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So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
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Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Everclear isn't food dammit
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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