If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize