I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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