We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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