so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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