She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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