What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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