if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
