...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
