it wasn't lemon gatorade
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
