I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
