3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
