There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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