I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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