Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
