May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
