so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
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its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
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He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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