I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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