I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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